For such a "home bunny" it may surprise you that I have never been homesick throughout my whole career as an Expat Spouse. Of course, I was really happy in my past postings but I also managed things well and arguably went "home" too much which avoided getting in a "situation".
So it is ironic now that I still have severe homesickness in my home country after leaving Vancouver three months ago. I don't know if it is the pregnancy hormones but I am <hands up> struggling with this at the moment.
My Husband returned from work yesterday night to find me sobbing over a bottle of home made stainless steel cleaner that I discovered as I unpacked. Not just tears...full volume/toddler type/gasp for breath crying. Shameful. Our cleaner made it up and unaware to me left a bottle for us. I loved her visits every couple of weeks with her stories and larger than life personality. I really miss her. In fact, the whole unpacking for me was not as anticipated since I was so excited about being reunited with my belongings (particularly my pots and pans which was curious as I hate cooking). The decanter our friends in Vancouver bought us as a Wedding present, my wine glasses that I've shared many a conversation over, the business card with a picture of our dog sitter and her dogs...(evidence that they are not all alcohol related)...all of these induced a lot of tears.
I left Vancouver feeling bad for the friends I left behind, thinking it was always easier to be the one that moved than stayed behind. But I'm welling up just now thinking about them all, I don't think any of them realise the extent to how much they are missed and how much I think about them.
It is not just my friends that I miss terribly; I miss you too Vancouver. I found myself getting really angry when I first arrived in London. I have a general attitude problem on the Tube with people in my personal space and pushing me around. Again, perhaps I am more aware of it than normal because of being pregnant (lets just blame the pregnancy for everything hey). I was and still continue to be a total b*tch by tutting at people and staring them out on the Underground - as if they also enjoy being squashed up in a catapulting sardine tin box before 9am in the morning (again I am usually reasonably serene but lets blame the pregnancy). I just don't understand why this didn't bother me when I came "home" to visit but drives me to insanity now I live here? Whilst on the tube, I envision myself in the mountains of Vancouver doing open armed twirls without a soul in sight and singing the Sound of Music.
I keep in regular contact with everyone and am more than busy trying to make a new life for us all here but I can't seem to get a grip on or control my emotions. I am realising as I write this that part of my feelings are to do with the fact I'm overwhelmed by moving country whilst mixing in being pregnant, working in an office again and a continually evolving to do list. However, I am the one that needs to pull myself out of this and I am making things much harder on myself by not doing so. Rose tinting Vancouver, harshly comparing it to the worse aspects of London and taking for granted the wonderful changes this has brought (the list is endless and is something I am forgetting).
Basically, buck up buddy, I think I may need to take some time out from the craziness of the relocation to look after myself, enjoy my friends and family here, all the usual things I enjoy doing (except for the wine) and take up London on the best it can offer.
p.s. thanks for the therapy session....
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